Types of Zombies part II: The Hypochondriac

Posted by thex1z1 on
To zombie or not to zombie? That is the question.

To zombie or not to zombie? That is the question.

The Hypochondriac:

This type of Zombie has ceased from all social activities such as going to work or hanging out with friends because they believe that they are sick all the time.  Once a person starts down this road it is a vicious cycle to break because his/her mind will actually create the illness and his/her body will believe that it is real.  So in a situation where this occurs and the person really believes that he/she is coming down with a zombie viral infection I would strongly suggest these three basic steps to dealing with the situation.

Is it the flu or the zombie virus?

Is it the flu or the zombie virus?

Step 1: Grab the closest blunt object in the room and keep a distance of about 11 feet.  This will ensure that you are safe before analyzing the situation.

A bat is a handy item that many households already have sitting around.

A bat is a handy item that many households already have sitting around.

Step 2: Ask a question.  It really does not matter what question you are asking as long as the zombie in question replies in regular sentences.  If you get a response that sounds like a shriek or a grunting sound then get ready to defend yourself.

BRAAAAAAAINZZZZZ! BRAAAAAAAINZZZZZ!

BRAAAAAAAINZZZZZ! BRAAAAAAAINZZZZZ!

Step 3:  Depending on what happens in step 2, you should either destroy the zombies central nervous system by repeatedly hitting he/she on the head with your blunt object or sheepishly run away in embarrassment because the person in question is not actually a zombie.

This is so embarrassing! I thought you were a zombie!

This is so embarrassing! I thought you were a zombie!

If you follow this strategy you might be able to survive in the zombie apocalypse but if the apocalypse never comes then you may also feel some embarrassment which is a small price to pay for the survival of mankind.

Thanks for reading!

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